life

mood - 郁闷

成长 就是 经历了许多经验 & 情绪.

i m learning to avoid making the same mistake

i can feel the dislike aura comes from u, hmm. although ur たてまえ look very good, body language had told me that u dislike me a lot. 1st of all, we have no conflict in term of rights ( 利害关系 ) . as we know each other for quite some time, i guess we can do more hi-bye. but is there any need to play framing game on me? i know u're really good with social, while i'm just a newbie learning to social. why outing with us in the first place ? damn.

that's still room of improvement for me i see. I couldn't defence against ur frame at all. That makes me feel very bad, and makes me look bad as well. Well, i really appreciate this feeling which i'm very sure i'll face a lot in the future. This is just the beginning.

okay, it's obvious that u admire her very much. But it's me who invite u okay, i dun expect u to gimme credit , but plz, at least respect ur fren. It's easier to make me look bad to show that u're better, but i'm sure that's a lot of way to achieve that. yes, u did achieved that. The 1st thing to do in term of frenship is respect each other , right ? a double-win is alwaz better than winning in a war.

i was wondering, is it u that i'd been chatting with all this time? we seem to get along nicely, as u are humorous and cheerful. well, i luv to outing with frens, but u alwaz so busy. well, i understand everyone is busy, and sometimes no in the mood. But, when we met , u gave me a stranger look when u look at me .... 4 times we met, 3 times u gimme black face, ignore my greeting for 2 times. at most importantly , nv look into my eyes. WTH , that really pissed me off. i'm angry becoz i tot we were fren .. but now i doubt are we frens or not ? i can accept my fren's personality, any interest even if it's weird, any words if i feel & know it's not offensive. Just 1 thing, i need to feel respected. i think a smile or a hi will do. i'm starting to doubt ur sincerity, and i guess u chose to loosen the frenship. ( i know i'm trying to make myself looks good, selfish me )
i had tried my best to strengthen frenship, but 1 way feeling won't help i see. there's no regret for me.

I guess that's it. It's a great experience. This whole trip i'd met lots of fren, and i really appreciate it. I'm going to make more frens and yes, this experience helps me draw my border line for it. I just enjoy looking at ur surprise face when i treat u icecream cake with no reason. sometimes i'm surprised at my own randomness. I just feeling like wanting to do it, and i'll do it.

of coz, i made mistakes as well. Now i'm learning to apologize at once, when i sense ppl's discomfort. That's the most i can do, as everyone's value is different. and sometimes i joke too big, and i ask for apology. It's okay if ppl dun forgive though. We cannot change other people, just take a look to ourselves and make a change ♪♫

i accept that human mistake, avoid making same mistake twice, and Never ever make the same mistake thrice. this is a word to myself ^^

Emo finished. This feeling means a lot to me. It's my story book which i'll browse through it slowly at the age of 75 XD

-----------------------------
Emo means i'm not looking for solutions, just wanna spit it out. i had found solutions in the meanwhile though. Nx time i'll be better ^^

ROARRRRR to hiro.